I don’t mind being both…as long as I know for sure that I abide in you and you in me.
What gives you peace and clarity?
Before, I mentioned a poison that could not be flushed out with regular water. Even if you were a criminal in the past and are no longer, the seeds of that old poisonous fruit still threaten to hold you back from truly living. Bad habits become cancerous, ineffective prison sentences erase years of potential experience, and pulling the trigger a second time becomes the end of second chances.
Why do I want to drink TLW? You showed me the Truth about myself that I couldn’t see before. And now I have a vision of places across the ocean, and connecting with people I could have never spoken to or understood before knowing you. Thank you!
But… since I am effected by that poison, sometimes I’m unsure about your will because all the pieces don’t match up like I think they should. But what do I know about perfection? I doubt that I’m a reliable narrator. I can’t self-witness like you can.
Yesterday morning, I was shown an example of the correct default state to be in… Today, please reveal to me how to stay there.
Surely, the Living Water is not vaping. A long time ago, I got sucked into the abyss and became addicted to abuse. If the enemy gives you a cursed knife and you keep it, then you are bound to cut yourself with it. As an impulse, I kept reaching for it, but now I think the truth about vapes is, they are just a tool the enemy introduced to me so I could always hurt myself. But has it ever made me feel as content as I did resting on that airport chair or talking with that woman on the bench? No! Vaping is not aligned with the LW.
This new world seemed like the wilderness at times, but ABOVE it at others.
DAKOTA
First of all, I proclaim that the only part of the wilderness I might want is helping bring others out of it. As you did for me.
But the GLITCHING between paradise and confusion indicates a need for more deliverance. I’m not good enough to go forth without knowing the truth about this Living Water.
Fact
Jesus was able to do his miracles exactly when he wanted to. Quickly and without mistake. It really doesn’t take too long when no other factors are in the way–factors such as stubborn or blind people like me.
Therefore
If he brought me here to find the living water, then it is not hidden. I only need to understand the truth.
DAKOTA
So are you just waiting on me? What truth do you want me to see, Spirit?
Dakota rested her forehead on her hands, and tried to discern if her visions of water were from the Spirit, or if they were just more noise. Seeing the ease of His miracles, if those visions were of the Truth/of the Spirit, wouldn’t she be in the pool right now?
Not necessarily…the barrier might be that I don’t know the living water yet. How can I be baptised without understanding that?
She prayed to let go of any wilfulness that would blind her from the truth or make her too afraid to seek it, for fear of loss or ego damage.
If ego is an obstacle here, then take it away.
She’d had visions of ego death long ago, maybe that had been a clue given out of context. Waiting to be used…now. Surrendering had gotten her this far, maybe a deeper level of surrender was needed now that she was through the portal but not out of the cave.
[it had worked for me in the airport. I still can’t believe how comfortable I was.]
a call out to wilfulness
If there is a enemy in the cave, a dragon who breaths the disorientating fog whenever it wants…then doesn’t it make sense to put aside silliness if it’s holding you back from listening to instruction? You can die holding onto an illusion, or you can live. The choice is yours. Who do you want to listen to –Noise or Truth?
DAKOTA
“Speak, for your servant is listening.”
She said this because even if it kills lesser dreams, it is better to chose Truth and receive its grace.
15 The woman said to Him, “Sir, give me this water, that I may not thirst, nor come here to draw.”
DAKOTA
Perhaps the “Water” is the fog-clearing resource I need.
Through the Samaritan woman, Jesus revealed that the gift of God is expressed via saving foreigners who also believe in him. Jesus at the well was letting everyone know that the covenant was no longer bound to a specific biological line. People could now be adopted into the family. People –like me or like that woman– could be born again. (Be reborn in the Spirit and in the water as noted previously.)
When he asks for a drink of water, it feels like a call to experiment. It inspired me to compare the effect of plain water vs “the living water.”
13 Jesus answered and said to her, “Whoever drinks of this water will thirst again, 14 but whoever drinks of the water that I shall give him will never thirst. But the water that I shall give him will become in him a fountain of water springing up into everlasting life.”
I still don’t understand…but I can identify the results of the “water” I’ve had. Even without taking anything, I can find myself feeling so lost and confused that it’s like being drugged by an enemy. I feel like there’s poison inside of me that I can’t get out with the sips of water from my little plastic bottle. No matter how much I drink. The fog and static seem to be by design to block the way. Perhaps the point of bringing me here was so that I could find this “living water.” That elixir that would even heal my ailments…and stay active within me wherever I go.
It’s true, the world itself can be like a cave. No matter where you go, you’re at risk of falling blind. What I learned to do was to lay face down on the floor and call to the spirit from our special place in the Inner Cave. Or during extreme stress, I could hear most clearly while driving or showering. But I did notice how hard it can be to hear him, and it is pretty inconvenient (to say the least) to have only those set ways to return to balance and purpose.
The Living Water = the fountain has become like the Tree of Everlasting Life.
23 But the hour is coming, and now is, when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth; for the Father is seeking such to worship Him. 24 God is Spirit, and those who worship Him must worship in spirit and truth.”
[Written after nearly 2 days of no sleep while on airplane]
To be the salt of the earth as opposed to… just another grain of sand? I’m guessing the difference is the flavor.
So the Disciples were special because they were set apart from the grains of Sand to share the ZEST/salt of life with others. “Funny” enough, the religious leaders were also sand and followed a lesser form of the Lord’s righteousness.
20 For I tell you that unless your righteousness surpasses that of the Pharisees and the teachers of the law, you will certainly not enter the kingdom of heaven.
You know how someone can be a stickler for the rules and thinks that’s all it takes to “be good?” But those same leaders couldn’t see how even though they were “following the rules” by not murdering J directly, they were the ones murdering him in their hearts, with their intentions…just using someone else as the weapon. I think they were focusing too much on the syntax and were blind to the meaning behind the law.
That’s why Christianity is called Supersessionism, right? Because the previous system of “law = order” wasn’t working. It was too easy to totally miss the point or straight up ignore some rules. So in the New Testament, I could see how it came to value Obedience over sacrifice and were fed up by empty gestures of burnt offerings.
And look, there ya go. The rest of Matt 5 is Jesus teaching them to see the purposebehind the law and giving helpful life advice in plain language.
25 “Settle matters quickly with your adversary who is taking you to court. Do it while you are still together on the way, or your adversary may hand you over to the judge, and the judge may hand you over to the officer, and you may be thrown into prison. 26 Truly I tell you, you will not get out until you have paid the last penny.
The lessons about the importance of intention in law make sense to me. As well as “eye for an eye, oaths, and love for enemies.” It’s a slippery slope when you think you have the right to get even with others who wrong you. In that case, you start plotting to do bad things towards them. That feeds darkness in your heart. Making an oath just sets you up for failure because circumstances and feelings change. People get weak or forget the oath. It’s kinda empty, pointless, lipservice when you have seen it so many times before where people make promises you know they can’t keep.
I am confused about the laws surrounding love though. What is adultery if not cheating on a spouse, but if that’s the definition, then how does a divorced woman commit adultery? And how is just looking at someone with physical desire adulterous — is it even when you AREN’T married? Because that isn’t specified.
28 But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. 29 If your right eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell.
That paints the picture of just a single dude checking out a single girl and that being a problem that requires drastic measures to correct.
It leads to denial of serial sinful behavior, I can see that. Hook up culture sucks so much Tinder has been emphasising in their marketing the potential for a REAL relationship meeting via their app.
If you have trouble not objectifying people, yeah probably delete certain apps and fix that issue before it causes you trouble. BUT I’m not just talking about that kind of shallow interest…
If you think you like someone in multiple ways, should you avoid them just to be safe?
Love for enemies makes sense because giving yourself an excuse to label anyone as an enemy, also would give you “justification” to hate/hurt them. A bad thing and another slippery slope.
But what even is love? Later, I think J says to lay down your life for your friend is love.
That’s a pure intention I can identify with. But it’s not even just life and death situations, is it? I could feel the spirit within me talking to people this morning and I could distinguish my own insecurity and fear under the surface. But we were working together well. One person went out of her way to look for a cart for me and entrusted her luggage to me as I had for her. Definitely my most important role in that moment was to protect her belongings. A simple thing like that is an example of friendship, huh?
The testimony in Matt 4 seems to say Andrew and Simon Peter were the first disciples, and Jesus came to them while they were working in Capernaum and immediately left everything behind. This would contradict John, who has Andrew meet J through John the Baptist, THEN brings his brother along, and then they all went up to Galilee together, after the Cana miracle.
I like how John tells the assembling of the the disciples in John 2. It feels more like an organic story. If Matt’s version was the beginning, it just wouldn’t make sense.
It would be like “Jesus rolled up out of the blue onto the disciples. He called them and they came. The rest is history.” It feels too much like there was no choice or growth in the matter. That would be a tale of mere puppetry or hypnotism. No, that doesn’t sound right.
Here’s where my “open-mindedness” says it is not a contradiction.
The story is called “Jesus Calls His First Disciples.” That doesn’t mean it was their first calling, nor that they were THE VERY FIRST pair to join him.
In John 2, I even noted that I don’t know what they did in Galilee after the Wedding. This story in Matt may just be referring to/filling in that short time:
So J has his gang of followers together, they go to the wedding, Mary sees the opportunity to encourage J. His new followers and the servants of the wedding party witness that “first” miracle. (Though Mary and J himself seemed to already be aware of his power. They just chose that time to reveal it.)
After that revelation, J and the gang complete their trip from Bethany (John’s baptising spot) to Galilee with Mary along too. At that time, the brothers Andrew and Simon Peter go BACK to work for a bit while J…strategized on his “own.” Coming back to the group, he assigns their roles and provides the mission statement.
“Repent, for the kingdom of heaven has come near.”
Ok, sounds like things are getting serious. He’s ready to get down to business and stop playing the role I had imagined of him in John 2. I couldn’t consider Jesus commanding his people at Galilee as the same “delinquent punk” talking back to his mom in Cana, nor just the cool “big bro” who attracted such quick admiration in the disciples of Bethany. It’s like his cover was blown and he was finally letting go of the act.
I guess this change is the J who has embraced that his time HAD come.
I remember asking myself “what was in their hearts” that made them follow Jesus? Somewhere it said “simply their obedience to the Lord” or something similar. To me it sounded like some innate part of humans. Like a switch that just gets activated when the Lord calls.
Like how I literally called myself “activated” in taking this trip and others. The thing inside–the spirit–says go and I can’t help but do it. I wanted to for so long but the activation only happened at a specific time. And when that command came to me, I couldn’t sleep until I had done all I could. (It took nearly two days before closing my eyes gave me 30 mins of rest on the plane.)
But in me and in the first disciples, first we felt him, then we saw the leader’s power. They witnessed the miracle and believed. And I believe because it’s the only thing that makes sense now. That relationship foundation is what gave us the ability to leave things behind and follow–and have it mean anything.
That fixes my initial impression of this “Jesus Calls His First Disciples” story– when I thought it seemed too straightforward.
I just had to piece the events together and speculate how they fit together. Oh the joys of reading testimonies. I love how this has become my favourite mystery.
…
Back to the chain of events
So after this calling, they go around Galilee doing more miracles, gain more followers and then I assume, they all make their way down to Jerusalem for the Feast and J does his temple cleansing.
John witnesses
Jesus is baptised then goes off in the wilderness for 40 days and nights.
BUT A)
Does this fit the timeline between John the Baptist witnessing Him then pointing him out to Andrew and John the disciple?
If so, that implies it must also fit that the Baptist was arrested before they all went up to Cana. Verify?
And B)
Did Jesus get baptised multiple times? Because I got the impression before that John didn’t KNOW it was the savior until AFTER he baptised him. Yet…
14 But John tried to deter him, saying, “I need to be baptized by you, and do you come to me?”
That sounds like they knew each other already and Jesus was like a regular at the site.
And C)
How big is Galilee? I thought it was just the area around the little body of water. And that they were only there a few days before going to Jerusalem. So I guess during those few days with Mary and the boys, he pumped out a bunch of miracles before the temple cleansing.
And Andrew, Simon Peter, James, and John’s jobs were to fish for an audience of people to witness these miracles.
I wonder what Nathaniel and Mary did? Just bear witness? I bet Mary enjoyed that…seeing her Baby Boy stepping into his destiny…
5 Jesus answered, “Most assuredly, I say to you, unless one is born of water and the Spirit, he cannot enter the kingdom of God.
To be born of the Spirit makes perfect sense to me. I’d heard the Spirit before. Probably like how a baby might feel the vibrations of sound beyond their mother’s womb. But actually being BORN of it, I think is like really SEEING and FEELING it. It becomes more real in an indescribable way…but since this is a blog, I should try to describe it.
Before I knew you…
I couldn’t distinguish the different sounds and trains of thought I had. I had no real direction because I could see so many paths. Consider so many perspectives. Justify anything. I played Devil’s Advocate so much, it became a reflex. That sucked because I didn’t want to label anything as wrong, but the result was I had no opinion of my own. I was so quick to say “maybe” or “buuuutttt” even as my face cringed. Seeing different possibilities comes in handy, but I was empty and at the whim of the world. I hated how I kept making excuses for everything and how unsure I was of anything.
But coming into the Cave was a choice I made because I didn’t want to be at the whim of the world anymore. I didn’t want to be confused anymore. I was huffing copium trying to convince myself that my open-mindedness was anything more than a curse. I know that sounds iffy. But consider… if your open-mindedness causes you pain, maybe your mind is open to wrong things.
There was a man who did wicked things, but I could justify it. I could see that his background may have led to him reacting to situations in certain ways. Because his mother slept with a prison guard purely to get better living conditions then gave him away… must have made him feel pitiful. And with a strong ego that refuses to acknowledge that feeling, he had to put on a persona. He had to show a certain swagger and exert a sense of control that made him feel big and powerful. He wanted to be considered the best and unbothered by any deeper emotions. He had to be willing to hurt others. To lie and steal and scheme because that’s where he felt safest. That’s how he felt worth anything.
My “open-mindedness” and compassion means I can’t hate him. Even with the wicked things he’s done to me and others. Because I know he’s just that little boy, and I feel sad for that version of him I could see.
That SOUNDS good, but doesn’t it go too far when I made excuses and enabled the behavior? When I make his sorrow so big that my own means little in comparison? When you coddle sickness, you get sucked into it and it multiples within yourself. You become sick and blind. Trapped. That’s especially dangerous when you think you’re doing a good thing by submitting. Could it really be a good thing to be so understanding of the WHY–when the actions left me shaking and sobbing in fear of him? I did bring it upon myself though, in a way.
Before meeting the Spirit, a powerful force was all it took for me. My mind was open and willing to disappear by understanding and accommodating anything else. I think I liked not existing as a person. I was just an object, lost in the wilderness, making nests in the bellies of beasts.
Knowing the Spirit
I don’t feel so lost because I’ve come to recognize that Special voice. And I can trust that one. When I find myself feeling overwhelmed by the fog and the multitude of powerful forces, I am comforted by the warm one that dwells within me. So now, when I get pulled along, I know where to look.
Like imagine you’re in a cave stumbling around in a stupor, you don’t know what’s up or down or even who you are. But you have a Friend. You have someone who notices when you’re slipping away and tries to pull you out of it. The closer you get to that friend, the more they can help you. Where once you may have felt just a low vibration seemingly far away–you couldn’t decipher it’s words–now you have a real companion who puts their hands on your shoulders and looks you in the eyes.
“Hey, stay with me. We’re almost there.”
…..
My point is, being born of the Spirit makes sense to me, but what of the Water? What is the significance of water?
Previously: Jesus gained his disciples in Bethany (the Baptism spot) and the gang* made their way towards Galilee--near their hometowns. *Mary's Pov at the wedding: Jesus went to Bethany and came back with disciples...His time is near. After the party, Mary joined Jesus and the Disciples for a short trip to Capernaum. (Not sure what they did there.)
I would do this roadtrip style.
Post Galilee trip: Jesus goes to Jerusalem for Passover and goes ballistic over the desecration of the temple.
Is there a home in the world for me?
Connections
I am reminded of the prophecy in 2 Samuel. That David’s home be strong, so his son would be able build a permanent home for the Lord. I think the Lord hadn’t had a real home in while. Not since Moses’s time when the craftsman was blessed to build The Tabernacle (“a dream home”). Since then, His place had been tents. The Ark had been stolen and it had to resort to becoming like a cursed item in order to get returned home. His appointed people didn’t honor him or the commandments.
People can be frustrating. Their greed can seep even into what was supposed to be the MOST HOLY PLACE. His own house. I don’t think this is the same temple that was built by King Solomon. 1 Kings 6:38 states, “it took him 7 years” [to build that first temple], not 46 years. How many times do temples have to be lost and destroyed?
I can understand the feeling of being triggered. Being faced with reminders of having your temple violated and of being homeless. It’s easy to see why one would flip out. Especially since even after everything…they couldn’t leave anything holy.It would pain me. I’d feel forgotten, unappreciated, betrayed, and worse.
Those dark feelings are seeds for criminals.
But rather than getting bitter or vengeful about it, remember that this is how the world has been from the beginning. That’s why Jesus was sent on his special mission.
Destroy this temple and in three days, I will raise it up. [John 2:19]
He had been reluctant in Cana, but now in Jerusalem…Jesus openly did miracles during the Passover feast. That gained him more followers.
Speculation
The Lord knew what was next. This had been a pattern for so long… there was no amount of miracles that would keep the people satisfied and faithful, nor would intimidation keep them from sinning.
Examples:
What his stern voice looks like
(Exodus 20)18 Now all the people witnessed the thunder and the flashes of lightning and the sound of the trumpet and the smoking mountain; and as they looked, the people were afraid, and they trembled [and moved backward] and stood at a [safe] distance. 19 Then they said to Moses, “You speak to us and we will listen, but do not let God speak to us or we will die.” 20 Moses said to the people, “Do not be afraid; for God has come in order to test you, and in order that the fear of Him [that is, a profound reverence for Him] will remain with you, so that you do not sin.”
Way different than how He approached his first commandment. He was clearly trying to make a strong impression this time.
All it takes is getting a bit hungry and they stop singing your praises
(Exodus 16)The whole congregation of the Israelites [grew discontented and] murmured and rebelled against Moses and Aaron in the wilderness, 3 and the Israelites said to them, “[b]Would that we had died by the hand of the Lord in the land of Egypt, when we sat by the pots of meat and ate bread until we were full; for you have brought us out into this wilderness to kill this entire assembly with hunger.”
What happened when they brought the Ark from its place into battle?
Instead of leaving it in its place and praying at it (as intended?), they tried to shake God out of his “silent treatment” by bringing the Ark into battle to help them.
Ironically, it ended up empowering the enemy forces to fight harder out of fear and DEFEAT them.
New King James Version Jesus said to her, “Woman, what does your concern have to do with Me? My hour has not yet come.” (John 2:4)
Full versions
New English Translation
Contemporary English Version
Amplified Bible
Complete Jewish Bible
Orthodox Jewish Bible
New King James Version
(source: Biblegateway.com)
Amplified Bible
Overview:
This is the story of the first miracle that Jesus performs*
* At least…in Galilee, with his disciples present.
At this point, Jesus had done no public miracles, yet he already has disciples. Most of the translations make him sound like a brat talking back to his mother. But even if he was, the result was him doing his first miracle after being prompted by his mother. You could look at this like Mary encouraging him, telling him “it IS time”, and Jesus understanding her and following her lead. That makes sense considering her response to the servants doesn’t seem to match up with his response to her. It’s like she disregarded what he said and knew he would abide her.
Connections
I am reminded of Jesus’s parable about how two sons responding to a command from their father. One son is polite and says he’ll do it (but does not). The other talks back, but ultimately does do what his father told him. It may not LOOK good, but the fact is…the brat obeyed and the polite one didn’t.
Testimony of John with Delinquent Jesus
POV: Mary encouraging “the delinquent” Jesus at a party– where he does a soft “coming out” witnessed by his little friends and the servants.
OgressHeroine 