The New Birth

⁵ Jesus answered, “Most assuredly, I say to you, unless one is born of water and the Spirit, he cannot enter the kingdom of God. 

To be born of the Spirit makes perfect sense to me. I’d heard the Spirit before. Probably like how a baby might feel the vibrations of sound beyond their mother’s womb. But actually being BORN of it, I think is like really SEEING and FEELING it. It becomes more real in an indescribable way…but since this is a blog, I should try to describe it.

Before I knew you…

I couldn’t distinguish the different sounds and trains of thought I had. I had no real direction because I could see so many paths. Consider so many perspectives. Justify anything. I played Devil’s Advocate so much, it became a reflex. That sucked because I didn’t want to label anything as wrong, but the result was I had no opinion of my own. I was so quick to say “maybe” or “buuuutttt” even as my face cringed. Seeing different possibilities comes in handy, but I was empty and at the whim of the world. I hated how I kept making excuses for everything and how unsure I was of anything.

But coming into the Cave was a choice I made because I didn’t want to be at the whim of the world anymore. I didn’t want to be confused anymore. I was huffing copium trying to convince myself that my open-mindedness was anything more than a curse. I know that sounds iffy. But consider… if your open-mindedness causes you pain, maybe your mind is open to wrong things.

There was a man who did wicked things, but I could justify it. I could see that his background may have led to him reacting to situations in certain ways. Because his mother slept with a prison guard purely to get better living conditions then gave him away… must have made him feel pitiful. And with a strong ego that refuses to acknowledge that feeling, he had to put on a persona. He had to show a certain swagger and exert a sense of control that made him feel big and powerful. He wanted to be considered the best and unbothered by any deeper emotions. He had to be willing to hurt others. To lie and steal and scheme because that’s where he felt safest. That’s how he felt worth anything.

My “open-mindedness” and compassion means I can’t hate him. Even with the wicked things he’s done to me and others. Because I know he’s just that little boy, and I feel sad for that version of him I could see.

That SOUNDS good, but doesn’t it go too far when I made excuses and enabled the behavior? When I make his sorrow so big that my own means little in comparison? When you coddle sickness, you get sucked into it and it multiples within yourself. You become sick and blind. Trapped. That’s especially dangerous when you think you’re doing a good thing by submitting. Could it really be a good thing to be so understanding of the WHY–when the actions left me shaking and sobbing in fear of him? I did bring it upon myself though, in a way.

Before meeting the Spirit, a powerful force was all it took for me. My mind was open and willing to disappear by understanding and accommodating anything else. I think I liked not existing as a person. I was just an object, lost in the wilderness, making nests in the bellies of beasts.

Knowing the Spirit

I don’t feel so lost because I’ve come to recognize that Special voice. And I can trust that one. When I find myself feeling overwhelmed by the fog and the multitude of powerful forces, I am comforted by the warm one that dwells within me. So now, when I get pulled along, I know where to look.

Like imagine you’re in a cave stumbling around in a stupor, you don’t know what’s up or down or even who you are. But you have a Friend. You have someone who notices when you’re slipping away and tries to pull you out of it. The closer you get to that friend, the more they can help you. Where once you may have felt just a low vibration seemingly far away–you couldn’t decipher it’s words–now you have a real companion who puts their hands on your shoulders and looks you in the eyes.

“Hey, stay with me. We’re almost there.”

…..

My point is, being born of the Spirit makes sense to me, but what of the Water? What is the significance of water?